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Just as we’re all searching for happiness, we're all trying to avoid or reduce pain in our lives.
The reality is that some pain and struggle are inescapable facts of life, especially the inner struggles, like self-doubt, depression, anxiety and fear. It is these types of emotional struggles that challenge our quest for happiness the most.
- How do our struggles affect our quest for happiness?
- Do we need them in some way to fully experience happiness?
By starting with these questions, we can begin to figure out how to best deal with struggle in our lives so we can find new paths to happiness.
The reality is… struggle is a part of life.
The good news is… you have a choice of how you respond. The power is with you!
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THINK about what stands in your way:
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 “I believe that some sadness is required for happiness to exist. If we were never sad, how would we know if we were happy?” |
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 “I believe that some sadness is required for happiness to exist. If we were never sad, how would we know if we were happy?”
—JONJI (American) |
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 “In my mind, what destroys happiness is when someone around you is unhappy. In a group, everyone is affected my each other’s actions and emotions. When one member of the group is unhappy, the group feels this and is affected.”
—JOHN NURI (American) |
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“I agree with what you said that happiness is destroyed when someone around you is unhappy. But the problem is that, is it possible to make everyone around us happy? If this is one condition for our being happy, can you share with me how you do it?”
—PATIENCE (Nigerian) |
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“I don’t think that it is even possible at all. It is not my role to make people happy, but rather it’s to support them to move into a place of happiness on their own.”
—JOHN NURI (American)
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 “The one thing that really got me, was meeting with the kids at the Tibetan Children’s Village, because they are basically orphans because they didn’t have parents with them and they didn’t complain, they just told their stories with a smile on their faces. For me that was really touching, because I’m an orphan too and it’s really hard to connect with people. I have a really hard time telling people I’m an orphan and I’m sad about it. Just knowing that they are orphans and have so much happiness and confidence in who they are… it really changed me.”
—PRABHA (American) |
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 “My moment was when we were at the Gandhi Ashram with the children They're considered the lowest of the low in the caste system, the untouchables, but when they sang their voices were just so vibrant and loud and beautiful. They've been dealt the bad hand in life but nothing was going to silence them. They were still going to sing loud and give praise and it was just really beautiful to hear that.”
—NINA (American) |
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 “The Dalai Lama speaks a lot about the importance of suffering in one’s life. So much of what is inspiring about the Dalai Lama is a product of his suffering and of the suffering of his people. The fact that his people suffer has given him a purpose in life: to try to find an end to their exile, both internal and external.
“When you look at our heroes, people like Nelson Mandela, Mahatma Gandhi or Martin Luther King, it becomes apparent that they have all experienced extreme persecution. Perhaps in order to achieve great things, we must experience some suffering.”
—DANIEL (American) |
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 The Many Layers of Pain |
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The Many Layers of Pain |
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KEYS:
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 The Eye of the Storm |
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The Eye of the Storm |
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Probably the scariest thing about being human is living in a world with things over which we seem to have no power - sickness, natural disasters
the end of life. Even day to day struggles can be intense and sometimes outside of our own control, like other peoples choices and attitudes. Although we cant always control the outside, we DO have some control over the inside: HOW we respond to our circumstances. The degree to which pain and struggle affect us is mainly up to us
more than most of us realize.
Life can seem like a tornado - its unpredictable and turbulent, but we can still find a place of stillness in the center of the storm. Even if everyone and everything around us is caught up in the chaos, we can choose where we want to hang out.
Choose to get swept up into the twister and have our emotions escalate out of control OR find a calm center in the eye of the storm.
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 A Defining Moment |
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A Defining Moment |
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 We can also look outside of ourselves to others who have not only suffered, but who have overcome great suffering with dignity and determination. We might notice that often the people we admire the most discovered their greatness and genuine happiness in relationship to the darkest times of their lives. In this way, suffering was a defining moment for them in figuring out who they really were and all they were capable of being. They found the opportunity in their adversity. We too have this opportunity.
Take for example the story of the XIVth Dalai Lama, who at the age of fifteen became the official spiritual and political leader of Tibet, but was later forced to leave his home country.
“During the course of my life, I have had to handle enormous responsibilities and difficulties. At sixteen, I lost my freedom when Tibet was occupied. At twenty four, I lost my country itself when I came into exile. For forty years now I have lived as a refugee in a foreign country, albeit one that is my spiritual home. Throughout this time, I have been trying to serve my fellow refugees, and to the extent possible, Tibetans who remain in Tibet. Meanwhile, our homeland has known immeasurable destruction and suffering, and of course, I have lost not only my mother and other close family members, but also dear friends. Yet for all this, although I certainly feel sad when I think about these losses, still so far as my basic serenity is concerned, on most days I am calm and contented. Even when difficulties arise, as they must, I am usually not much bothered by them. I have no hesitation in saying I am happy.”
— The Dalai Lama
As a group, discuss people you know who have found an opportunity in times of great challenge in their lives and defined themselves as a result. |
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 Paddle Downstream |
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Paddle Downstream |
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Throughout our lives we are faced with contrasting experiences (i.e., ones we DO want and those we DONT want). Within each of us is an INNER GUIDANCE SYSTEM constantly telling us how each of these experiences feels (i.e., Good or Bad). When it feels good at the core we are aligned with our true nature. When some part of us feels bad, were off course. Although our INNER GUIDANCE SYSTEM is VERY reliable, sometimes we dont take the time to listen and trust it. First we need to be open to hearing it. Then, we can choose how we respond to this innate wisdom within us.
How we respond can be compared to paddling a boat
upstream or downstream.
When something feels BAD, turn your boat around by thinking of what you DO want in your life. Do what feels GOOD, what feels RIGHT. |
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