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How do you handle your own thoughts and feelings?
- I’d like to figure out why I do the things I do.
- I’d like to say that I really know who I am.
- I’d like to have some control over my thoughts and feelings.
- I’d like to feel calm more often than not.
- I’d like to be able to make better decisions and not just react to things around me.
- I’d like to feel happy about myself.
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All of these are possible when we take the time to get to know ourselves, how we think, feel and act (or react).
One step at a time, with emotional honesty, we can get to know who we are and what we are fully capable of.
With that comes an opportunity to own our lives and make choices that empower us… and bring about happiness. It takes courage to take the first step, but the ascent is worth it…
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 “I believe that some sadness is required for happiness to exist. If we were never sad, how would we know if we were happy?” |
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 “I believe that some sadness is required for happiness to exist. If we were never sad, how would we know if we were happy?”
—JONJI (American) |
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 “In my mind, what destroys happiness is when someone around you is unhappy. In a group, everyone is affected my each other’s actions and emotions. When one member of the group is unhappy, the group feels this and is affected.”
—JOHN NURI (American) |
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“I agree with what you said that happiness is destroyed when someone around you is unhappy. But the problem is that, is it possible to make everyone around us happy? If this is one condition for our being happy, can you share with me how you do it?”
—PATIENCE (Nigerian) |
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“I don’t think that it is even possible at all. It is not my role to make people happy, but rather it’s to support them to move into a place of happiness on their own.”
—JOHN NURI (American)
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 “The one thing that really got me, was meeting with the kids at the Tibetan Children’s Village, because they are basically orphans because they didn’t have parents with them and they didn’t complain, they just told their stories with a smile on their faces. For me that was really touching, because I’m an orphan too and it’s really hard to connect with people. I have a really hard time telling people I’m an orphan and I’m sad about it. Just knowing that they are orphans and have so much happiness and confidence in who they are… it really changed me.”
—PRABHA (American) |
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 “My moment was when we were at the Gandhi Ashram with the children They're considered the lowest of the low in the caste system, the untouchables, but when they sang their voices were just so vibrant and loud and beautiful. They've been dealt the bad hand in life but nothing was going to silence them. They were still going to sing loud and give praise and it was just really beautiful to hear that.”
—NINA (American) |
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 “The Dalai Lama speaks a lot about the importance of suffering in one’s life. So much of what is inspiring about the Dalai Lama is a product of his suffering and of the suffering of his people. The fact that his people suffer has given him a purpose in life: to try to find an end to their exile, both internal and external.
“When you look at our heroes, people like Nelson Mandela, Mahatma Gandhi or Martin Luther King, it becomes apparent that they have all experienced extreme persecution. Perhaps in order to achieve great things, we must experience some suffering.”
—DANIEL (American) |
TOOLS & ACTIVITIES:
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 Monkey Mind |
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 Spinning Wheels |
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Spinning Wheels |
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How we THINK, FEEL & ACT (OR REACT) whether we realize it or not, work like gears. One cannot function without impacting the other, because they are all tightly connected to one another. Sometimes our thoughts spark an emotion, other times a feeling might get our mind spinning, and yes, even a choice in how we act might engage our emotional roller coaster.
When we REACT to an external circumstance, we are blindly letting the situation outside of us influence our response. When we ACT, we intentionally choose how well respond to the situation.
Lets take a closer look at how thoughts, feelings or actions can get our wheels spinning and dictate our lives
- ACT: You were well meaning, but insensitive in your comments to your friend (A), which left you feeling disappointed in yourself, regretful (F), so you end up thinking your friendship is over (T).
- THINK: You think you’re going to fail an exam (T), which leads to feelings of doubt and stress (F) and then blanking out during the exam (A).
- FEEL: You’re crushed when you run into your former best friend with your replacement (F), which begins the list of your weaknesses (T), followed by a miserable, sleepless night (A).
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 Tracking the Four Rivers |
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Tracking the Four Rivers |
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We can also learn more about ourselves by looking at our responses to what Angeles Arrien, cultural anthropologist, author and educator calls the Four Rivers. She shares that there are four rivers in each of our experiences: Inspiration, Surprise, Challenge and Love. Through self-reflection we can learn more about how we paddle down these rivers at different points each day.
River of INSPIRATION:
The River of Inspiration lights the creative fire, which is known by indigenous cultures as the fire that does not need wood.
- Who or what inspired me today?
- What is inspiring me in a team?
- Who or what is inspiring me in the community?
River of SURPRISE:
The River of Surprise is about flexibility and resilience in response to whatever may come our way. The Inuit people say that there are two plans to every day: my plan and the mysterys plan. Surprise shows us where we are still flexible or not flexible.
- How did I handle surprise today?
- How did I handle changes in my plans?
- How much of my happiness is dependent on routine?
River of CHALLENGE:
The River of Challenge is an invitation to grow and to stretch, to reach beyond the knowable, to observe when we feel challenged and let it be a source of strength. Accepting challenge allows our creative muscle to be developed.
- Who or what challenged me today?
- How many possibilities and perspectives I can handle?
- In places of ambiguity, how tolerant I am and resistant to the chaos?
River of LOVE:
The River of Love is simply an examination of the things that have great meaning in our lives, which can give you a strong sense of gratitude and connection to others.
- What am I learning about love?
- What has touched or moved me?
- For what or who am I grateful?
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 The Gift |
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The Gift |
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When we recognize what inspires us, makes us feel totally alive or grateful, we are tapping into our true nature, the pure goodness within us. This is what we need to trust in figuring out who we really are. Sobonfu Some (right), teacher of indigenous wisdom, elaborates on this idea in the African story of The Gift. |
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Every person born into a family brings a special gift that the community needs. It is the job of the elders to make sure the childs gift is realized. Instead of merely seeing children as blank slates from birth who are then filled with education and ideas of right and wrong, adults can benefit and learn from the child’s gift. As a young person, in order to realize your gift you must come from a place of strength. Sobonfu Some says, “Make a list of all the things that make you strong. Even if it’s hard for you to bring each one out every day, just say ‘I am great, because I can make people laugh.’” Pick a gift that you think reflects you. Then the most important thing for the community to do is to help you build confidence about your gift through positive reinforcement. Without confidence in your gift, whatever it may be, you won’t be able to help yourself or anyone else. You need to have courage and stay true to who you are on the inside to help your gift emerge. You will not get the strength from looking outward. According to the African wisdom, if a child’s gift is not brought forth it becomes a poison. This poison prevents the development of your full social potential in the community. So stay strong and true to your gift
and as a community member, encourage others’ gifts! |
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