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How do you go about making a happier life for yourself?
Aikido is a Japanese martial art that helps practitioners master their mind, body and “ki” (life energy). Rather than matching force with force, he/she blends with the motions of the attacker in order to redirect their momentum. This requires less energy and also helps to protect the attacker from injury. For this reason, Aikido is about mastering oneself, not harming others.
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We may not each be an Aikido Master, but we are on all on the journey to personal mastery. Each one of our thoughts, feelings and actions has a ripple effect on our own lives and the world around us
self-mastery is about choosing what kind of wave were sending out into the world. Each time we act, we need to ask ourselves, “Is this bringing about happiness?”
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 “The biggest obstacles that prevent me from achieving happiness are anger and hatred...” |
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 “The biggest obstacles that prevent me from achieving happiness are anger and hatred. I am a person who easily gets angry therefore this anger prevents me from making certain types of friends. When I feel hatred, it gives me a lot of stress in my mind and destroys my peace of mind.”
—DORJI (Tibetan) |
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Peace
It does not mean to be in a place
where there is no noise, trouble
or hard work. It means to be in
the midst of those things and still
be calm in your heart.
—UNKNOWN AUTHOR |
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 “I believe that it is our mental wellbeing that leads to positive actions. For example, in my life when I feel angry, I know that my actions reflect this emotion. Therefore, when I feel angry, in my mind I make an ethical decision to deal with my anger and not suppress that feeling. In this way, I have made an ethical action that led me in a positive direction towards happiness.”
—JOHN NURI (American)
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“We all deserve happiness, yet sometimes I feel very strange because in real life we are doing more things which cause unhappiness than wonderful things which can create happiness. Why is our human heart more interested in learning bad things rather than good things? I wonder about the nature of the human mind!!!!”
—DONGBU (Tibetan) |
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 “When we begin to see ourselves as equals, then all desires and struggles to conquer and dominate others, will naturally disappear, leading to a peaceful world. We all have the power to change things and situations around us. The problem is that many of us do not realize this. Because of this failure, we begin to struggle to be like others, and this is also the source of our unhappiness.”
—MERCY (Nigerian) |
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 “Life is fluid. We’re always given opportunities and choices. If you go with your heart and do what you think is right, generally it’ll take you to the right place.”
—GEORGE LUCAS (Filmmaker)
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TOOLS & ACTIVITIES:
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 On the Path to Self-Mastery |
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On the Path to Self-Mastery |
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CHOICE: Flying by the seat of your pants? OR Choosing to be in the driver's seat?
AWARENESS: Denying and suppressing negative thoughts and emotions? OR Accepting and not judging your negative thoughts and emotions?
MENTAL & EMOTIONAL DISCIPLINE: Unconsciously reacting to what life throws in your way? OR Understand when and why you feel bad and using tools to learn how to ACT rather than REACT?
INTERDEPENDENCE: Only considering your own happiness? OR Considering others' happiness and taking responsibility for the impact of your actions on others?
OR ARE YOU SOMEWHERE INBETWEEN? |
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 The Development of Our “Self” — Checking the Ingredients |
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The Development of Our “Self” — Checking the Ingredients |
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What's in your soup?
- We've always done it this way.
- Suck it up.
- So you think you're college material?
- No act of kindness is ever wasted.
- Don't dream too big.
- Treat others the way you want to be treated.
- You need to make sacrifices to get ahead.
Make your own list!
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Weve actually been on this path of Self-Mastery all along, so it should be no surprise to you! Since the day we were born, weve all been trying to figure out who we are, why were here and what we stand for. Weve been given constant feedback from everyone and everything around us, every day of our lives: family, friends, teachers, coaches
and even through the media. These experiences have not only shaped our lives, but theyve influenced our view of ourselves and what we think we believe in. Some people in our lives have fed and nourished us with positive messages, cultural values and traditions, that have helped guide our actions. We can compare this to the comfort we feel with a hot bowl of healthy soup; there is a sense of security and identity every time you eat this soup. But what about the toxic messages that weve ingested that dont reflect who we really are or who we want to be? You know the ones from the media or friends who arent really looking out for us. Or maybe they are simply the messages that once served us, but weve now outgrown. Its time to start making our own soup!
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 Where There’s a Will There’s a Way |
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Where There’s a Will There’s a Way |
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It takes courage to look at your life, how youve become who you are, and who and what has contributed to your identity. Although this might seem daunting and scary to start blazing your own trail or playing around with new recipes for happiness, consider yourself lucky in that youre beginning this quest now, at this turning point in your life. Many people either never have the opportunity or the will to take on this life challenge or if they do, its often not until their life is turned upside down. You can start empowering your life now with the intention to figure out who you are, make the choice to go for it and then put it into action. If you have the will, anything is possible!
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Where do you look for your will? Some people feel like their will is found somewhere in their gut. You know the place where you feel like you can find the power to do anything you believe in? The place where the good Samaritan goes to lift a car up with his bare hands to save a child. Or the place where Victor Frankl went to survive Nazi death camps or Thomas Edison went to create electricity even after failing with 2,000 substances. These types of examples can inspire us to overcome our self-pity, complaining and desire to quit when faced with hardships along our journey. We ALL have the will within us we just need to figure out how to tap into it! Perhaps these qualities might remind you of what your will feels like
| ENERGY |
Athletes, you know the type of intensity that is required during the championship game versus a regular season game? |
| MASTERY |
Musicians, you know the amount of practice and skill it takes to master your instrument or the knowledge needed to understand the theory behind your skill? |
| FOCUS |
Any student can appreciate the amount of focus and concentration that we need when were trying to grasp a totally new and challenging subject or
a boring one! |
| DETERMINATION |
You know when youre in the middle of a seemingly huge problem and there are many options to consider and you dont have a clue what to do? It takes decisiveness to be open to all of the alternatives, stick to a decision and then
not doubt yourself. |
| RESILIENCE |
Anyone who has been bullied or tormented by others knows the amount of tenacity it takes to show up at school again. Or anyone who has failed or suffered serious challenges over and over and over again knows the type of endurance they need to keep on going. |
| COURAGE |
When youre feeling the lowest of your lows and you have to show up somewhere like give a speech, start a new school, apologize
this takes guts! Sometimes you need to be bold. |
| CONNECTION |
We all want to be part of a group, but deep down we also dont want to lose ourselves. It takes will to remain connected with our true selves first and then appreciate and connect with others. |
We all have these qualities within us ready to draw upon. In one situation we might need to be courageous, while in another focus is what will help get us through the day. As we tap into our will more often, we learn how to apply each of these qualities at the right time, in the right amounts, for the right reasons
it just takes practice! |
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 Take the Armor Off |
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Take the Armor Off |
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Through this process of Self-Reflection and Self-Mastery we are basically moving from a place of ignorance to a place of awareness. We are becoming more aware of who we are
at the core and how our thoughts, feelings and actions impact our happiness. We are also recognizing that were not alone on this journey everyone around us is too. They too are on the same search for happiness
and theyre also helping us figure out where we are on our search, as they respond to the choices we make. This begins our awareness of the social nature of happiness. Whatever I choose to do will at some point have an impact on someone else. The same goes for others and their impact on our lives. Each of our experiences of happiness is closely related to our relationship with others. So although our definition of happiness is a very personal one, our experience of happiness is a social one. |
- Shield ourselves from others and any threat they pose to who we are or our happiness.
- Hop on our high horse.
- Armor up to defend ourselves at all costs.
- Hastily strive to joust our attacker from their horse (and their quest for happiness).
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The thing is, life doesnt have to be so defensive:
- Take off the mask and your armor.
- You might see that the person youre attacking has a story too
just like you do.
- His/her story, like the links in the chain, is made up of life experiences and conditioning that are connected to something that happened before (and some of it is painful).
- His/her actions are a projection of his/her story, not yours.
- Its not personal.
If anything, you might realize that youre actually both fighting for the same thing happiness.
So, why not get off the horse, exchange the armor for a t-shirt, the lance for a lotus and figure out how you can work together to get yourselves out of the mud. An open mind and a little compassion go a long way. |
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 The Will to Understand |
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The Will to Understand |
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What happens when we dont have the full story? Well, we either misunderstand whats real and true for someone else or we mind read and make assumptions about their story. Either way, the story becomes our truth, not theirs. Its like running on autopilot, but this time youre writing someone elses script. Instead, we might try to be more intentional in our thoughts and choose to be open to the idea that others have a story too
and needs. Like any other situation where we dont know the answers, we just need to ask questions. Then, we allow others to speak their truth. This is possible when we use our will to understand others, rather than control them.
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In which direction do you want to focus your will? We can use our energy and determination to control our relationships with others or we can use our courage and connections to build our relationships. We do not exist in isolation from one another, the human experience is a social one therefore we have plenty of chances to practice. What kind of exchanges do we want to have? What kind of energy do we want to expend, positive or negative? Do we want to waste our energy in conflict or build energy in agreement? Its just a matter of whether or not we are willing.
The Will to Understand = the will to recognize each person as he/she is and
that he/she has the right to be who he/she is.
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 Tree of Nourishment |
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